Fearless

Hi Chris,

I am not afraid anymore. Of anything. Certainly not of death. The worst has happened. Maybe not the actual worst, but at some point you max out on how much grief and terribleness you can feel. I might be there. 

I used to dream sometimes about living forever. “Science can do it,” I’d think. We’re nearly there! And wouldn’t that be amazing!? I would volunteer to be uploaded or rejuvenated or slowly replaced by silicon parts until I was Robot Mike. But now… I don’t think so. If there’s any chance to see you again, I’ll take it. And forever without you? No thank you. 

I am not a nihilist. Quite the opposite. I will live the rest of this life for me and for you. I’ll do my best to carry this current feeling of fearlessness with me. But in the end I will find you. In the end we’ll be together. A few weeks ago Kate told Dad, “I picture the day we all go running to him like he’s waiting for us at arrivals at the airport, except it’s heaven and all 6 of us are a family again.”

Love,

Me